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Friday, February 04, 2011

It's Friday...

... and I can't wait for the day to be over.  It's 9:39am and yes, I should be working instead of blogging, but sometimes when you can't concentrate, it's better to just take a break and then buckle down later.  I can't seem to focus on my work this morning ---

FOCUS.  I'm wearing my necklace.  Perhaps I just need to use my little touchstone and try to apply myself.  Give me a minute...

Oh!  I responded to an email!  (Stop laughing!  It's a start!)

Talked to G this morning.  Her mom's back in the hospital, for the past week or so.  It's so hard on her, but with her mom suffering from congestive heart failure, it's pretty much par for the course.  G is taking a lot on herself, blaming herself for M not having much of a life, and certainly not much of a marriage.  I jumped on her for that.  If the situation were reversed and it was M's mom they had to care for, they'd be doing exactly the same thing that they are now.  Yes, their lives revolve around caring for G's mom.  Yes, they can't go away or even out to dinner very often.  Yes, G is exhausted and tired and perhaps not great company for M.

But you know what M said to us at dinner a couple of weeks ago?  He said that he'd been reading about caregivers and how their own health and mental state suffer - even in the midst of it, he's worried about G.  And that's the way it's supposed to be.  Of course he misses his wife and the marriage they used to have.   When she retired it was to take care of her mom; wouldn't both of them have liked it to be so they could spend more time together?  Sure.  But this is what it is, for now, and the alternative sucks.  M is worried about G - when her mom finally gives up the fight, and we know she's fighting now, it will be the all time worst thing G has had to deal with, bar none.  And M knows that.  And is already worried.

I took advantage of the opening and told her she.needs.to.bring.someone.in.to.help.  Period.  End of discussion.  If not every day, all day, then at least for part of the day, several times a week, so that G could rest, take a shower, food shop, have dinner with M...  Surprise him at lunch one day...  Go away for a short weekend to recharge...  Or just sit down.  And watch a TV show with her husband.  Or take a nap.

She agreed that she needs to do something soon.  I have to encourage her - she needs a break.  It's not that I don't understand taking the responsibility on yourself:  if I'm late giving her her pills, if I forget to check the oxygen tank, if I close my eyes for one minute...  But G needs a break.  And she needs it before SHE collapses and has a heart attack and winds up in a bed next to her mom.  THEN what?!?!?

I'll mention to J that I talked to her so he can mention it to M.  Perhaps now's a good time for him to encourage her to do something like that.  She seemed more receptive to it, less likely to blow it off...

Well, breaktime is over, and it's back to work...

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