I feel helpless...

A dear friend of mine, who I met through J, is having a very tough time right now. 

For as long as I've known G, her mom's had a heart condition.  She's 85 years old (her mom is), and it's really quite simple:  it's just not as easy to recover from an attack as it was 10 years ago, or even last year.  She gets bad more quickly, it seems, and it takes longer for her to recover, and she never quite gets back to where she was post-last-episode.

G is having a real hard time dealing with the fact that her mom is, well, she's dying.  There's no other way to put it.  This morning I called and left a message at G's house, just to say hi, we're thinking about you, we're going to be around this weekend, if you can spare an hour...

She called me this afternoon.  She cried.  G is such a strong woman.  To hear her cry and say that she doesn't think her mom will make 2 more weeks - well, it broke my heart.

We forget that strong people hurt, too, and for some reason, when we realize it, it seems bigger and worse than for other people, or at other times, or under other circumstances.  She's so worried that there's so much to do:

1. decide hospice vs. no hospice
2. pick out a dress for her mom to wear
3. sign her mom's new lease vs. not signing
4. if she doesn't sign, she has to empty the apt immediately
5. if she does sign, and her mom dies soon, she has to empty the apt immediately
6. what if there is money in envelopes hidden around the house? she can't leave others to clean the apt
7. her brother doesn't get it - he doesn't realize his mom is dying
8. G's husband ate a PB&J sandwich for dinner the other night (the end of the world, according to G - I was quick to point out that M is an adult and if that's what he made for himself, that's what was okay with him)
9. etc.
10. etc.
11. etc.

She's overwhelmed with thoughts of what she needs to do, what she should do, what she doesn't have time to do, what she can't do.  She's angry because her brother won't take vacation time he doesn't have (he just started a new job a month or so ago) to spend time with their mom now, before she's gone.

Her mom's wishes are to be revived no matter what.  Although, she said, if she's on a respirator and there's no hope, then let her go... 

But G is worried about THAT, too - "if she's on a respirator, I could never pull the plug."

I let her talk.  I let her cry.  I sympathize.  I cry, too.  I tell her how much I wish I could help her.  I tell her to call a mover NOW, move her mom's stuff into her parlor.  Fill the damn room with all her mom's stuff and get rid of what she doesn't want NOW.  If you know you want the new recliner, put it where you want it in your house.  If you know you don't want the rickety old dinette set that you've been trying to replace in her apt for the past 5 years, toss it.  Go through her things later, when you have time.

IF you're positive she's never going to come home.  Because I know her mom.  If she rallies, and if she can come home again, and she finds out G gave up her apt, OOOOOHHHHH, G is in trouble!!!! 

And you have no idea how much I HOPE G gets into trouble with her mom again soon!!!

It's Friday...

... and I can't wait for the day to be over.  It's 9:39am and yes, I should be working instead of blogging, but sometimes when you can't concentrate, it's better to just take a break and then buckle down later.  I can't seem to focus on my work this morning ---

FOCUS.  I'm wearing my necklace.  Perhaps I just need to use my little touchstone and try to apply myself.  Give me a minute...

Oh!  I responded to an email!  (Stop laughing!  It's a start!)

Talked to G this morning.  Her mom's back in the hospital, for the past week or so.  It's so hard on her, but with her mom suffering from congestive heart failure, it's pretty much par for the course.  G is taking a lot on herself, blaming herself for M not having much of a life, and certainly not much of a marriage.  I jumped on her for that.  If the situation were reversed and it was M's mom they had to care for, they'd be doing exactly the same thing that they are now.  Yes, their lives revolve around caring for G's mom.  Yes, they can't go away or even out to dinner very often.  Yes, G is exhausted and tired and perhaps not great company for M.

But you know what M said to us at dinner a couple of weeks ago?  He said that he'd been reading about caregivers and how their own health and mental state suffer - even in the midst of it, he's worried about G.  And that's the way it's supposed to be.  Of course he misses his wife and the marriage they used to have.   When she retired it was to take care of her mom; wouldn't both of them have liked it to be so they could spend more time together?  Sure.  But this is what it is, for now, and the alternative sucks.  M is worried about G - when her mom finally gives up the fight, and we know she's fighting now, it will be the all time worst thing G has had to deal with, bar none.  And M knows that.  And is already worried.

I took advantage of the opening and told her she.needs.to.bring.someone.in.to.help.  Period.  End of discussion.  If not every day, all day, then at least for part of the day, several times a week, so that G could rest, take a shower, food shop, have dinner with M...  Surprise him at lunch one day...  Go away for a short weekend to recharge...  Or just sit down.  And watch a TV show with her husband.  Or take a nap.

She agreed that she needs to do something soon.  I have to encourage her - she needs a break.  It's not that I don't understand taking the responsibility on yourself:  if I'm late giving her her pills, if I forget to check the oxygen tank, if I close my eyes for one minute...  But G needs a break.  And she needs it before SHE collapses and has a heart attack and winds up in a bed next to her mom.  THEN what?!?!?

I'll mention to J that I talked to her so he can mention it to M.  Perhaps now's a good time for him to encourage her to do something like that.  She seemed more receptive to it, less likely to blow it off...

Well, breaktime is over, and it's back to work...

Angie's Having a Baby!

There's this girl, her name is Angie.  And she's married to a great husband and she has an awesome stepson.  Like me, she always wanted her own baby, too, and they tried.  After a while Angie wrote this tremendous post about how they decided, as a family, to adopt.  And lo and behold, God was listening and they are getting a baby girl this month!

She has tons'o'friends but one of her best, Wendy S., is throwing her a blog baby shower today!  Wendy suggested we post something on our blogs as a little gift to Angie and link to the ***linky party on the Ella blog!  So here you go...

Angie, Wendy suggested if we had any baby advice we might want to post it for you, so here goes, straight from my mom:

     When you're single, you have no one to answer to but yourself.  (God goes without saying in this little speech!)
     When you meet The One and you get married, all of a sudden you should put your marriage first, your husband second, and yourself, well, get used to third place!
     When you decide you want children and you have them, you should be prepared to put your children first, your family second, your marriage third, your husband fourth, and you?  Okay, fifth place is looking okay...

Of course this advice needs to be taken as it is intended:  as a reminder that once you have children, it's no longer all about "me."  While there IS an "I" in family, you'll notice that it's WAAAYYY toward the end of the word!!!  Of course the basic idea is that now there's this baby who relies on you for everything, and you had better be prepared to give everything you have to that baby.  And how lucky are you, Angie and Travis and Jeremy, that this beautiful new baby girl is joining your family today!  Enjoy her and enjoy your new family!!! 

We are sending lots of cyber-love your way, and prayers and congratulations!!!

My new window seats

So my sister has encouraged me to post a picture of my window-seats-to-be. Unfortunately I don't have a good picture of them; the photo will look much better in my bright sunny sitting room this weekend; I'll post new pictures next week! But here's one:

That's two benches, lined up one next to the other, currently in our library, but soon to be relocated to the sitting room at the lake. I am SO very proud of how well I lined up the dragonflies on the fabric - check out the front of the 2 cushions! Of course, when we take these to Hopatcong, and put them in place in the sitting room and measure for the 3rd unit that goes inbetween these two, you KNOW I'll never get the fabric to line up so well... I bought a little extra, just in case, and I hope I can make it work. The middle unit will be closed, with a lift-up lid for closed storage. And yes, I did manage to find more of the same baskets to fill those 3 empty spaces... Another story that I should share...

Okay, here goes... We found these closed fabric storage boxes in WalMart. I suggested we buy the four we needed because, you know, they won't be there when I need them in two weeks. "No," Jack said, "don't waste your money, they're new, we'll get them later. What if you find baskets you like better somewhere else?"

I KNEW he was wrong. I KNEW I should have bought them that day. But I didn't. And he built the window seats to fit those baskets.

And then I went online to order three more to be delivered to the local WalMart and there were none available online to order! I checked around and the only store that had any in stock was North Bergen, so we went there last night, on a mission. We walked in, went right to homegoods, and searched high and low until we found them. There were five left, one unpackaged. I bought four. I have one extra that I can actually store inside the closed seat, in case I need one. Thank goodness I got them!!!

Sad news on the work front: today is the last day my friend E will be working here at our unnamed publishing house. She's moving on to bigger and better (hopefully!) things at another company which will be referred to by its initials: WG. They offered her $20K more than she was making here, a "life-changing number," in E's words. Heck, yea, it's life-changing! That's MORE THAN $1000 MORE A MONTH!!! What I couldn't do with that kind of raise!!! Anyway, we'll miss you, E!!!

Went to the W Hotel here in town to celebrate her new job. I'm just old, folks, just plain old, and it has nothing to do with my chronological age. That hotel is dark, with dim lights, modern furnishings, and I just didn't like it. I did like the Mango-Pom drink I had, not too tart, not too sweet! I didn't see the rooms, of course, but I'm just not that into dark and dim and yuppie...

Well, gotta run and do some work before it's lunch time! Later!

Not too much is going on here in NJ...

Actually, it's kind of boring here in NJ...

Although hubby and I ARE going to a dance at the Elks club tomorrow night... Yea, you're as surprised as I was when he announced he'd bought tickets! Apparently J is feeling as though we don't "do anything" and I "deserve to go out once in a while."

And he chose a dance?!?!?

But seriously, we'll have a great time. We always do. No matter what we do, if we're together, we have fun! All the school folk are so excited that we're coming; they've been stopping me in the hallway to say they can't believe I got him to go! When I tell them it was HIS idea, they're floored! It's nothing formal, jeans or work clothes are okay, and it's all you can eat and all you can drink (wine, soda, beer, coffee, with a cash bar). I'm looking forward to it! I'll try to remember to take some pictures! It's a pretty wild crowd, from what I understand!

We're going to be at the lakehouse this weekend, installing two of my three window seats and measuring for the third. Oh, wait, I forgot to mention that J built me window seats to go under the three windows in the sitting room! We bought some fabric and made cushions - a real pretty maroon-ish color with gold dragonflies that match the gold accent wall behind the bookshelves. Once we decide what to do with the fireplace surround and then put some other furniture in that room, it will be DONE!

Then we can start on the kitchen and bathroom downstairs! And the new dock we need outside... But none of that can be done until we have our final inspection, which we'll do this spring. Then we'll start working on a plan for the kitchen/bath remodel and start getting the permits and supplies, etc., and it starts all over again!

My friend E leaves our company tomorrow for what she hopes will be bigger and better things. At the very least, her salary will be about 50% bigger and better! A "life-changing number" was how she described the increase! She'll be commuting from NJ to Brooklyn every day, which is enough to put me off the job, but I'm not her and she's not me and she's younger and commuted into the city for her entire college career at NYU, so she's okay with it. Me? Uh-uh, no way, Jose! Not even for that kind of salary bump!

So my job will be less one friend, which makes me sad, but in a way will force me to expand my friend horizons a bit, too. With a built-in best friend at work, it wasn't really necessary to be friends with anyone else; I was okay just being colleagues. Now I'll make some new friends...

Unless I win the MegaMillions at which point, internet-pals, I'll be traveling the country to meet you all in person!!!

Arts and Crafts, and Loss (not a great segue)

So the engagement party is literally one week away (it's next Saturday) and I've decided, today, that I want favors and centerpieces.

And I've decided I want to make them.

It's official.

I'm certifiably nuts.

So I go online and I look up "wedding favors," "party favors," "engagement favors," and then I go back and add "homemade" to all of those. And I decide that I want something simple and easy and not expensive and not frilly and girly 'cause my daughter's not frilly and girly... Which, in retrospect, one might think would make this much easier.

But it doesn't.

So here are the final three contenders (and I'm sure there are MANY more easy favors out there, but I found these):

1. mini mason jars decorated with silver ribbon and a heart charm and the happy couple's initials, with a votive candle inside
2. Ghirardelli chocolates, those little individually wrapped ones, wrapped again in wedding/engagement paper, sealed with a "love" stamp from the post office, with their initials on the paper band
3. a small round tin filled with chocolates, with a solid piece of paper adhered to the lid, their initials on the paper, and a charm tied with a piece of tulle ribbon around the tin
4. cupcakes, individually wrapped in cellophane, tied with a ribbon, with a charm

Here's the final decision:

1. No - too complicated, to hard to transport, and who really wants another favor you don't really want to throw out 'cause "it's from M&S's engagement party..."
2. THE WINNER! Easy, quick, not frilly, chocolatey, and can be carried in a basket, and the basket can be decorated, and we can put the basket on the dessert table at the end of the night
3. No - I'd have to travel hither and yon to find the damn tins, and I'm just not in the mood!
4. This was my runner-up, but we're already having so much dessert there...

And then there are the centerpieces. The room is not huge and the tables are rectangular, so they're not very deep. A large centerpiece would just get in the way. There will be 5 tables of 6, and 3 small tables of 4 each, just with tablecloths, in case some people want to move to see the flat screens at either end of the room (is there a football game on Saturday night? Or a baseball game? If there is, the TVs will be on!). I figure I'll get small square glass block vases, a couple of bunches of assorted flowers from Costco, and I'll cut the flower stems down and just have a couple of small mini bouquets on each table. There's no need to go to a florist (sorry, John!). I suppose I'll make a vase for each of the small tables, too... And then anyone who wants to take one home can take one home, and I won't have to worry about getting them back to my house!

Tonight there's a wake for the father of a friend of ours; he's actually the head of the funeral home our families use. Jack knows him from growing up; I know him from all the people in my family who have died. Michael's dad started the business years ago, and has been living in Florida for a while now. He apparently had a brain tumor; we haven't seen Michael in a while, not since maybe the summer of 2008, so we didn't know his dad was ill. We'll go tonight to pay our respects. I said to hubby, even though we haven't seen Mike in a long time, he's helped us and our families get through so much, we need to go there for him.

Tomorrow there's a funeral mass for the dad of a friend of mine. I haven't see Mr. and Mrs. W. since they moved to Lakehurst, oh, 10 years ago or so, maybe even longer... We email political jokes back and forth, and they always sent me postcards from any and all of their trips around the world. When Mr. W. was still working (he retired a few years ago) he spent a lot of time in France. He brought me some Chanel No. 5, Chanel No. 19, Chanel No. 22 and Chanel Cristalle. When he went to an exhibit of Monet paintings at the Musée d'Orsay, he managed to take some video and even mentioned me in his home movies ("and here is Monet's Iris Gardens - just for you, Krys!"). He and the rest of his family made me feel so welcome - I used to stop by and say hi when they lived in Nutley.

I got an email a couple of weeks ago saying there would be a funeral mass for him this Saturday.

I was floored. I didn't know he was sick. I didn't know he had passed. I want to go tomorrow, but I don't know if I can. It's supposed to rain cats and dogs all day and hubby really doesn't want me to drive 2 hours each way in the pouring rain, and I can't honestly say I want to, either. I think I'm going to decide tomorrow.

We might not be going to the lake this weekend - which opens up a bunch of other stuff for me to do: shop for clothes to wear at the party, clean my house, shop for and make the favors, learn to use the sewing machine I'm going to buy tomorrow, start my art journal, work on my scrap projects (classes just finished), ...

Will post photos when I have them!

Friends we've never met

Just wanted to post a little something here about two people I've never met, but consider good friends. I'm not going to name any names but they know who they are: H & F.

Now H has a blog that I read every day (well, every day she posts something!). I can't even remember how I found her blog, but I'm so glad I did. She and her husband F are wonderful people. They love God, their family, their friends and their country. They have values, wonderful values that permeate their lives and they are raising their children to have the same values and morals. Together they make up a family I would be proud to be a part of and they are a family I am so happy to know, even though we've never met.

But we have blogged, and texted, and IM'd and telephoned. Even though I haven't met them, I've tried to support them any way I can, with words and thoughts and prayers. I sent them a selection of books when they had to deal with something new, books I thought might help them help their son. And being the kind of people they are, they passed those books along to other families dealing with the same issues - paying it forward, so to speak.

Well, F is retiring after many years in the Navy. Their family is in the midst of some (thank God!) relatively minor health issues. F is looking for a new job, they will have to relocate who-knows-where (well, by now they might know!) and they will have to uproot their family and start again somewhere new. And we'll be there, at the other end of the Internet, cheering and clapping and supporting them and hoping it's a little closer to NJ!!!

So what made me start this post? Guess what I got in the mail the other day? An invitation to F's retirement ceremony. They don't know us! But they know us enough and care enough about us to invite us to join them on what is a very special day in their lives and I just wanted to share that with the world.

I want to tell them both, you are two very special people and we, Jack and I, are proud and happy to call you friends, and we really can't wait to meet you both! (Even though it might be a while 'cause we're unfortunately not going to be able to make it to GA for the party!)

I'll be thinking of you, F, on September 18th. And I'll be clapping wildly as you're recognized for your service to this country and for your dedication to this country, and I'll be cheering you and your family on as you start this new part of your lives! I know everything will be just wonderful - you deserve it!!!

$40 - back and forth

So we have some dear friends who live in Hoboken. Jack and G have worked together on Special Olympics for oh, I don't know, 20 years or so! We grew closer still when Jack was nominated for the position on the Credit Union's Board of Directors and G's husband M is the treasurer.

We love going out to dinner together and when the check arrives, it's always a toss-up as to who's going to grab it first. So we try to alternate paying for dinner; it seems the fairest thing to do and avoids fisticuffs and tug-of-war at the table!

Well, Jack's been spending some time at their house this summer, helping M remodel his bathroom. (A story for another time - suffice it to say they paid for a new bathroom less than two years ago but M had to tear it out and start from scratch 'cause of leaking behind the walls and in the shower floor, to say nothing of the popping floor tiles...) There were a couple of nights here and there where we went out to eat after I got off work. The usual check fights took place. One night they ordered in, paid for it all, and sent leftovers home with us, enough for three days (!) 'cause "M doesn't do Chinese leftovers." They wouldn't take any money.

Well, a couple of weeks ago we got take out again. I tried to pay and was, of course, beaten to a pulp and told my money wasn't any good there! So before we left, I put $40 and a note reading "Dinner's on us!" under someone's car keys on the end table in the parlor. And Jack and I giggled like schoolchildren all the way home 'cause we got one over on G&M!

We got home and the phone rang around midnight. G cussed us out something fierce! How dare we leave money?! She's going to get even!! Jack helped M so much feeding us is the least they can do!! Blah, blah, blah. Let her rant. Who cares? I left them $40 so all was well in our world!

A week or so later she sent home a newspaper with Jack, the local rag I don't usually get a chance to read, but G knows I'm nosy and I like to keep up with what's going on in town. Well, I carried it around for another week, 4 days at least, and almost threw it out more than once.

You know where I'm going with this, don't you, you smart readers, you?

I finally decided to skim the paper here at work before I tossed it. And what was stapled to page 6, with a note that read, "Love you guys!"

Yes.

$40.

Two twenties.

So now it's up to me to get that $40 back to them without being caught. I'm planning feverishly. Perhaps I hide it under her pillow. Or in the fridge when I get another iced tea the next time I'm there. Or I mail it to her anonymously. I thought about asking them to deposit it in her checking account at the credit union but aside from that being illegal (I think!), I'd go nuts if I couldn't balance my checkbook and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone, so I gave up on that one... Maybe I could tape it to the inside of their new shower stall, or on the toilet tank in the bathroom on the first floor, the one she doesn't use unless she goes in to clean it...

The mind is just humming away, trying to come up with something clever and funny.

Any ideas?

How was YOUR Memorial Day weekend????!!!

Mine was, for lack of a better word, "interesting." (And let me warn you now, this will be a LONG post!!!)

Let's see. On Thursday night I went out to dinner with 5 women I used to work with, back in the day. We worked together for years and years and years, and we are all the best of friends. The company closed without warning and we scattered into the wind. We don't get a chance to get together very often, and the circumstances that got us together this time? Not so great, either. One of the companies that three of the women work for is closing their NJ office so 2 of them are once again unemployed. We took advantage of the fact that they would no longer be local once the office physically closed to make sure we met for dinner at the Barnyard in Totowa. We sat on the patio, ordered drinks and appetizers and food, and laughed and talked and laughed some more. There was a really good reason we all stayed working together for so many years, despite the horrors of that company itself - 'cause we all get along so well!!

I went home, we packed up for the long weekend, and went to sleep. I woke up the next day and my throat was scratchy. In hindsight, it was probably 'cause I was outside, with allergies, and yelling and laughing, but I sure didn't want to get strep again (see my previous blog post!) so I called the doctor. They prescribed 10 days of emoxycillin, 500mg, 3 times a day! Can I just tell you that I haven't taken it 3 times a day YET! I am not sick, my throat no longer hurts, so I forget to take it. This 10 day prescription will take me 20 to finish!!! Speaking of which, I forgot to take it today, too, so I will take it at lunchtime...

We had a 1/2 day Friday so we packed the car, picked up that prescription, and left for the lake, which is 42 miles away. Which took us three hours to get to because of the holiday traffic. 3 hours to go 42 miles. 3 hours for a trip that normally takes us 45 minutes. Yuk.

Jack had gone to Boonton, NJ, on the Thursday night I was partying with my pals, and he bought a boat motor for $700. Not cheap. We got to the lake, he decided he wanted to go for a putt around the lake so he propped the motor on the back of the rowboat and ran inside to get a piece of wood. I did ask him if it was safe to leave the motor there, and he did say yes, but apparently the motor gods weren't listening. While I stood there, worried it would tilt and fall into the water... It tilted and started to fall into the water!!! I literally jumped into the lake, in my sundress and in my shoes, and tried to grab it before it went under. Now the motor weighs about 50 or 60 pounds, and I know that the propeller end goes in the water, but I didn't think the motor end should be submersed so I rescued it! I grabbed it and hoisted it up and yelled for Jack. He came running, took one look at me in the water and grabbed the motor from me! (He hates it when I'm right!)

We went for a putt (yay! the motor works!). We got back to the dock and Jack thought it would be okay to leave the motor in the boat while it was docked. But the water is 2' down, a HUGE deal at Lake Hopatcong this season! And there are some cement platforms and cinderblocks submerged at the end of our dock. And I was afraid the motor would hit the cement and get damaged but Jack didn't think so until he thought about it for a few moments, so he decided to take the motor in for the night. Yeah, okay. He decided to take the motor off the back of the rowboat while.he.was.in.the.rowboat. (Read that again.) So he hopped in, loosened the clamps that hold the motor on the back of the rowboat and tried to pick up the motor. The motor that weighs 50 to 60 pounds. While the motor was centered, Jack wasn't so when he picked it up the rowboat tilted up under the dock and Jack was losing his balance. (Yes, picture it!) I was laughing so hard it took me a minute to think to sit down on the dock and put my foot on the boat to steady it so he wouldn't fall in! He put the motor on the dock and climbed to safety!

We ran to the store for some things, and had dinner, then came home and put our pajamas on to watch some television. (Yes, we lead an exciting life!) I missed Numbers (we both like that show!) and the news and woke up at around 11:45pm; David Letterman was doing the Top Ten. I thought it would be a good idea to go brush my teeth and turn off the TV and go to bed, so I did. Go to try to brush my teeth, that is.

I put toothpaste on my toothbrush, and turned the faucet on, but there was no water. So I thought, "Hmm, probably forgot to turn the pump on!" So I ran downstairs and - the pump was on! So I went back upstairs and turned the faucet on again, thinking that probably we ran the water without the pump being on and needed to send water on up to the second floor... We pull our water from the lake, folks, we have no city water at the lake house.

No deal. No water. So I go and wake Jack up and he goes downstairs to turn the pump on. Yes, it was on already. So then he went into the basement to check on the little piece that sometimes pops off the top of the tank but it hadn't popped off. So he came upstairs, got dressed 'cause it was chilly in the basement, and we both went downstairs. He banged on the regulator a bit; it worked the last time we had no water. He checked the pressure in the tanks. Pressure was fine. We checked the breaker to be sure we had electric running to the tanks. He checked the wires to be sure all was well.

The pump in the lake blew. For no apparent reason. We'd used water earlier. We had water earlier. Now we didn't.

So on Saturday we went to Lowe's and bought a $14 regulator (just in case 'cause we'd already changed it three times so maybe we needed another new one) and a $333 water pump.

You guessed it. It wasn't the regulator. It was the water pump.

Now keep in mind it's Memorial Day weekend. If we call a pump guy we're not going to pay weekend rates. We'll be paying HOLIDAY weekend rates. So Mr. Fix-It decided to do it himself. Now he's perfectly capable. It's just that sometimes he makes some questionable decisions.

Like when he decided to change the pump without going into the lake. He was going to do it from the rowboat. The pump is at the end of a 40' hose that's wrapped in heating wire and electrical tape. It's about 6' down in the water. And to make the story even better? The pump guy who put it in for us about 6 years ago tied a cinderblock to it to keep it at the bottom of the lake. But one cinderblock wasn't enough for Jack!

If there was only one cinderblock attached to the end, the hose could float off the lake bottom and get cut by other boats' propellers, so Jack.tied.6.more.cinderblocks.to.the.hose. (Read that again!) Mm-hmm. There were a total of 7 cinderblocks that he decided he would pull out of the water, one at a time, while still attached to the hose, cut loose and put in the rowboat so he could get the one at the end, the one attached to the pump, up out of the water.

I calmly suggested he might want to just put his bathing suit on and his water shoes and just do it that way, but nooooooooooooooooo, he was going to do it from the rowboat.

I have pictures.

To top it all off, when he hopped back down in the rowboat to start the 1/2 half of this fiasco and return the new pump to the lake, there were lobsters in our boat!! Not really - crawfish of some kind, but boy, were we surprised! They were apparently living in or on one of the cinderblocks that Jack hauled up into the boat and he just didn't notice them until later...

Anyway, the rest of the weekend was relatively uneventful. We had water. No one fell or jumped into the lake. We came home and had a BBQ with my mom, and did some laundry, and went to my sister-in-law's for Monday Night Dessert.

And since then, blah, blah, blah, nothing to report!!!

Prayers for my friend

Way back when, when I was in college, I met a girl who turned out to be one of my best friends. We stayed in touch for years, I was in her wedding, she came to mine. But, as often happens, we emailed a bit, called once or twice, and eventually I stopped hearing from her.

No big crisis. No falling out. Just life.

Well, this past Christmas I didn't send her a Christmas card. I'd sent one every year and for the past 3 or 4, didn't get one back. (So, I'm a slow learner!) I did put a note in her mom's card, though, asking/hoping she was okay and asking Mom to forward my email address to her.

Lo and behold, a couple of weeks ago, I got an email from her, with just a sentence or two to catch me up on all I'd missed.

Then today, a missive, all about how the boys are 15 and 13 and taller than her (OMG!), how her husband is doing well and luckily for her, able to be home to help her out when she needs it. He's helping out, too, with the boys, getting them where they need to go, when they need to go, getting them up in the morning and out to the bus stop by 6:05am...

All of this struck a chord with me. Why is she making such a point of him doing his fatherly/husbandly duties? Shouldn't it be like that anyway? Then I remembered previous letters, saying how he was in this band and in this orchestra, and teaching this class and that course...

Then the paragraph that took my breath away.

She has breast cancer. She was diagnosed last August. THAT'S why her mom didn't include an update about K and her family in her Christmas card, as I'd asked.

She started chemo, finished January 1st. She started radiation today. She was able to work throughout the chemo and is planning to continue working through the radiation. Then she'll start hormone therapy.

"Other than being overweight and bald," apparently she's "fine." The prognosis is good. [THANK.YOU.GOD.]

I walk every year in the Susan B. Koman Cancer Walk. Thankfully, I've been lucky enough not to know anyone with breast cancer. My husband's grandmother died of it many, many years ago, when he was a young boy.

Now it's personal.

Now it's K.

I will be walking for her. For her as somone with breast cancer. For her as a survivor. And I ask you all, each and every one of you, if you can, if you would, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FRIEND, K. And if you can help support the fight against breast cancer, please do. For me. For K. For our daughters and sisters and mothers and aunts and grandmothers and neighbors and babysitters and dogwalkers and cashiers and bank tellers - for all those women who do not deserve to suffer from this horrible, horrible disease.

We need to do whatever it takes to eradicate it (along with other cancers and diseases, of course). But now, this fight is personal.

It's a sad day...

My friend Alan passed away this morning.

I met him when Jack got nominated and elected to the credit union's board; Alan was married to Gail, and she's a teacher and board member. We've vacationed with them several times and this last time, I was truly blessed to spend some quality time with my friend Gen and Alan. We'd go for coffee every morning, just sit outside the cafe and people watch and talk. He was such a good man.

Alan suffered for many years from brain tumors. He'd have surgery and bounce back.

And the tumors would bounce back, too.

He was a true miracle man, surviving countless surgeries and so many sessions of radiation and chemotherapy. Even his wife really believed he would beat it again; we just couldn't believe it would finally get him.

This last session was different. It seemed to weaken him more, take him further along in the disease. He wound up this time in a coma, then he came out of it, then he was moved to a care facility for 24-hour care, then he became unresponsive again.

Gail would sit by his side all day, every day. She would sprinkle him with holy water, pray with him and for him. She has such faith.

But I worry that this might truly be more than she can handle. She and Alan met when they were older, rather than younger. They were so much in love, they were so perfect for each other. He cared for her, about her - it was so obvious. He was her life.

And when I say this, I don't mean he was her life (or she was his) to the exclusion of all else. They just truly personified love. They were the perfect example of a happily married couple.

Alan retired two or three years ago, along with Gail. They spent every minute of every day together, I believe, either at their mountain hideaway in PA or traveling to the Caribbean or to Vegas. They so loved to travel together!

This next journey is going to be a tough one for Gail. She's going to have to go it alone. And I am worried about her. We all said she's so strong, going through all this over and over again, but she had Alan then. And he fought with her and for her and she fought with him and for him.

She's lucky - she has phenomenal family and great friends. And we'll be there to help her any way we can. But we're not Alan.

Please keep Alan and Gail in your prayers for me.

Pick me! Pick me!

Nikki commented on my blog and invited me over to hers to check out her 1st giveaway - so here it is: Project Domestic Bliss.

She's giving away a year's subscription to Woman's Day magazine. I will admit: I'm a magazine junkie! I don't even know how many subscriptions I have but I DO know I don't have one to Woman's Day! I buy one at the cash register probably every other month or so...

I hope I win!!!

We didn't go to the lake today - woke up, it was pouring rain, so we slept in for another hour and then picked up Mom for breakfast.

Spent 3 blissful hours in the hot tub at T's house last night. We had such a great time, just relaxing in the water. He is trying all sorts of new things; last night he tried some foaming agent in the water so we had bubbles to play with, too! The water was 100 degrees - a little too hot for E, she said, but I LOVED IT!!

So, an internet friend'o'mine is dealing with some big issues these days - her son has been diagnosed as having ADHD. I'm just taking a moment here to ask my readers to say a little prayer for her and for her son and their family. They have hit the ground running with doctors' appointments and research and medications, and I just want them to know we're all pulling for you! Our prayers and good thoughts are winging their way to Georgia!!!

Now on to much sillier, less important things...

I've finally started to try to put my scraproom together. DH and I went out and bought two Lowes units 'cause for some unknown reason, he's got it in his head that the one big Ikea unit would not work; it would be too big. Of course, the small units he bought at Lowes are less sturdy and he's already complaining about that, but in a couple years, when these are not holding their own, I'll go get my Ikea unit (or I'll make him build me one like I wanted!). In the meantime, I get to start putting things away so honestly, I'm okay with what we've got... First, a before photo - Nope, no "before" photo - I don't have one handy... So here's the start of my putting all my scrapping stuff away:

I will not be keeping that rolling cart on the left under that window; there is a lot of sun that comes in that window and I don't want it to fade my papers... The wall opposite this unit is the Murphy bed. I have appropriated all the shelving on either side, except for two or three shelves that will have sheets and towels in baskets, once I buy the baskets (we don't have a linen closet on this floor so I'm making do!). Here's a fuzzy picture of that side of the room (clearly not cleaned up, either!):

The left side of the unfinished bed has scrapping albums on the top few shelves and patterned paper beneath that; it's all going to be moved to the opposite set of shelves so the sun doesn't fade them (the same sun I mentioned a paragraph ago!). That empty space above the bed will have extra pillows or blankets; it's so wide without a brace of any kind we're not going to put much weight on that particular shelf... Those 2 computer CPUs will move to the sitting room, on the computer stand I inherited from my former job. It's actually a good place for it since it's out of the way in the corner...

We're not going to the lake this weekend; DSD's tire blew out so DH is going to be spending Saturday repairing it and/or getting a new one. The rim is cracked so she really can't drive on it; she's SOOO annoyed! Anyway, I'll take advantage of a weekend home to get a pedicure, then finish bringing winter clothes down and summer clothes up and packing up my donations for AmVets and I'll take my mom food-shopping... Yea, I know, B-O-R-I-N-G!

Sex and the City.

A movie I would have bet money I'd never see.

And I'd have lost.

Last week my niece called me and asked if I wanted to go see it with her. I debated and debated. After all, it's not my cup of tea.

The movie tickets were free. And I hadn't been to a movie in months and months and months and I miss going to the movies.

And surprisingly, it wasn't bad. Now, none of the girls will win an Academy Award for their performances, but if you look beneath the sex and the city and the labels, it did a good job illustrating the devotion and dedication best girlfriends have with/for each other.

And I'll never brag that I went to see it. After all, I spent a lot of minutes over the life of the HBO show telling how "I don't watch porn" and "I saw 5 minutes of an episode once and all I saw was Samantha having sex with some guy."

But it brought back girlfriends and fun and parties and get-togethers and I miss the Entenmann's Pineapple Crunch Cake after the Domino's Garbage Pie with Coke or Pepsi, and the pot (or pots) of coffee we'd go through with dessert.

Oh well, even though the girls never really moved on, we did, but I can't wait for dinner at the Olive Garden and a little girl talk!!!

Wow! I'm an Assistant Organizer!

I belong to a local scrapbooking MeetUp group and while I was at our all day crop last Saturday (National Scrapbooking Day), the Organizer came over and said they were thinking of offering me that position. Now it doesn't require a lot of work; if MB can't make an event that I'm attending, I'd "be in charge of" paying for the room, making sure we all leave the room in the condition we found it, baby stuff like that. But how nice to be a "part" of that group! And how flattering that they want me to be the Assistant Organizer!

I've met the nicest women in that group, wound up back in touch with a friend from high school, and have learned that I am, indeed, creative in my own way. I do okay making my pages - they may not be publishing-quality, but I'm proud of them. (Yes, there are a few I think could definitely use some tweaking, but for the most part, I like 'em!) I would never have described myself as artistic; I think I mentioned that in an earlier post, but I am! And I get a lot of satisfaction from it!

And now this brings up the issue of group activities. I belong to Weight Watchers. Again, I've met a great group of people, especially in the Ledgewood, NJ, group. They've extended their WW relationship into their personal lives - they cruise together, they have movie nights together, they attend cookie swaps and purse sales together... And they've invited me along but so far I haven't been able to attend; with the work at the lake and the fact that we're only up there 2 days a week, my time is a bit full. But when we relocate, I hope I can spend more time with these ladies. They're a FUNNY bunch of coconuts!

WW, scrapping. What an easy way to find new friends and experience new things. So far I haven't been disappointed!

But I have a friend who "doesn't do groups." She won't attend WW 'cause she "doesn't like that rah-rah mentality." It's not a rah-rah group. Sure, we clap for each other and sometimes I feel a bit silly being on the receiving end of applause for losing a 1/2-pound when there are women in there who have lost over 100 pounds. But the value of the support I get from these strangers-turned-friends is immeasurable. How nice to know that I matter to these people. They really do care that I lost rather than gained, or that I stayed the same rather than gained. And if I gain, they have ideas to help me lose. Of course, we talk about food, and eating, and weight. But we've also talked about children, and in-laws, and holidays, and family, and work...

This friend of mine won't come to my scrapping group, even though she's very artistic and would do extremely well. Why? Because she "doesn't do groups" and because she "can't afford to scrap." Now THAT I can relate to! It IS a very expensive hobby if you get addicted to it! But I've offered her the use of my materials for a day, or even for a few hours, just to see if she'd like it, and as well-read and well-informed and brilliant as she is, "No. I don't do groups." If she just doesn't want to scrap, okay. But she did it for a shower she organized and said she had a lot of fun doing it. She's just, well, rigid, in a lot of ways. She doesn't embrace change. Now, me? I hate change. But I acknowledge the fact that it's inevitable and I sort of have to adapt, whether I like it or not. Sometimes I think she "doesn't do groups" just 'cause she said, a long time ago, that she "doesn't do groups."

And she spends paragraphs and paragraphs on her blog lamenting the fact that she has only a few close friends and too much free time...

We have two dear friends who have relocated to Cape Cod. Anita just opened an online shop to sell her handmade cards. I know she also makes some of the paper she uses. Please take some time to visit her site. I know you'll love the cards! She sends us a handmade card for every occasion - we've kept them all!
http://zandscardshop.com/

BIG MISTAKE, ENTENMANN'S!!!

Tomorrow I'm having dinner with an old friend. MAR and I used to spend many evenings together, when she was single, living in an apartment in Clifton. We worked together, then I'd go over there, we'd order pizza (" One Domino's Garbage Pie, hold the anchovies!"), then have coffee and Entenmann's Pineapple Crunch Loaf. WHICH, to our great displeasure, is no longer available locally. [See title of post!!!]

In honor of our years spent in such decadent dining, we will be having pizza, then coffee and some kind of cake, the exact one is yet to be determined. Suffice it to say we will have lots to talk about, and will laugh a lot, reminisce a lot, maybe shed a few tears of laughter - I can't wait!!!

I have a scrapping day planned for Saturday. 12 hours of creativity. 12 hours of scrapping. 12 hours of card-making. 12 hours of time spent doing something I like to do, without painting the bathroom, without moving furniture, without going to Home Depot. Although I'm sure I'll wind up going to HD on the way home, and I'll probably have to paint on Sunday...

Sometimes I wonder if I should be blogging here. I used to keep diaries. For years. I started April 16, 1977, the day Elvis died. (I may have mentioned that somewhere earlier in this blog.) There's a lot in those books that I don't want anyone to ever read. So, slowly but surely, I've been destroying them, after reading them again, of course. I will never forget those days. I will never forget those people. I will never regret those choices. Even though, today, as an adult, I see the error of my ways, those decisions brought me to today, to the "me" I am today. I can't regret a one of them. (But that doesn't mean I want anyone to know about them!!! Nothing illegal or immoral, but perhaps not the smartest decisions I've ever made in my life!)

I like to share, though, and I guess that's what this is all about. I haven't told my nearest and dearest about this blog; only my sister P reads it regularly. My other sister doesn't know about it and (P, are you listening?!) I probably will never tell her about it. Because she'll not take anything I said about her as it was intended. It will become criticism, instead of me just venting. It will be something to hold against me, instead of seeing it just lets me air my concerns to a neutral third party. It will cause problems. So I won't tell her about it. But I do enjoy comments from my readers. Keep 'em up!

I guess when I retire, when I have more time to blog, when I have time to create those works of art I have every intention of creating, I'll have time to turn this blog into something to be proud of: an outlet where I can show you pages and pictures, where I can plan what I write so that it's not just stream of consciousness...

In the meantime, I like talking with my friends, sharing stories, spending a few moments together, so come and visit again soon!!!

I just don't understand how people can live without a faith system. I'm Roman Catholic, but everyone doesn't have to be. You can be Jewish, Methodist, Buddhist, Islamic, Presbyterian, etc. I don't care. But I just feel, in my heart, that life is easier when you believe in something.

When you look into the eyes of a brand new baby, how can you not believe?

When your dad is dying and hasn't been lucid in weeks, and he looks you in the eyes and you KNOW he can understand you when you're saying goodbye to him and you're given your dad back for those few moments, how can you not believe?

When you spend a year with your mother-in-law, every night except two, spending time with her and caring for her because she's sick and dying and you're with her when she passes, peacefully and quietly and happily, how can you not believe?

I have a friend, a close friend, who's having a difficult life. She's not ill, or living in poverty, or starving, but she does have a somewhat dysfunctional family, severe financial difficulties, and she suffers from depression (which I suppose you could blame, in part, on her dysfunctional family). She's a very rational, analytical person. Every word, situation, glance is analyzed and analyzed again, in search of some hidden meaning. Nothing is just accepted at face value, sloughed off if it's annoying or unimportant. She has to think about it, stew over it, analyze it, until it festers in her soul. Sometimes I want to just say to her, "Your life sucks 'cause you don't believe in anything. Not in God. Not in a god. Not in mankind. Not in anything." Maybe if she'd find something to put some faith into, some way to believe in something, she'd find her way to a bit more happiness...

Yesterday was my Aunt Eleanor's funeral. I stopped to speak with A & J, her son and daugther-in-law. They couldn't WAIT to talk with me. Apparently at the very end, Aunt Eleanor was fading, not talking very much, but she began to call out to people. She began to say hello. Hello to Sal (her brother who had died a couple of years ago) AND HELLO TO VIRGINIA. Virginia was my mother-in-law. She died in 2001. She and Aunt Eleanor were thisclose. Aunt Eleanor was married to my mother-in-law's brother, Modestino (Uncle Mozzie to those of us who loved him!).

I believe with all my heart that Sal and Mom were there for Aunt Eleanor, there to help her, to welcome her, to make it easier for her so that she wasn't scared or alone during the passing from this life to the next. And it makes me happy. It brings me comfort. Rest in peace, Aunt Eleanor.

On the same topic, but a little off center, I have had a private reading with psychic John Edward. I've worked with him at one of his book signings, been an audience member for his television show Crossing Over, attended a seminar he gave, and stood on line to get his second book signed at a local B&N. Trust me, I'm not a stalker, but I am a believer.

He was right on the money with my reading. My dad, my grandparents, my fiance of 3 months, my cousin, my aunt. Right on the money. Again, I believe. It's reassuring to know that there is something after. Something more. That you aren't just not anymore.

Intellectually, I know that all of this could be simply 'cause that's what I've been taught, what I've lived for 46-1/2 years. But when I think about it, intellectually, trying my best to separate myself from emotion and history and "what I know," I STILL believe. With all my heart.

Another Virginia story: When she was newly married, my mother-in-law's mother-in-law came to stay. DH's grandmother had breast cancer. My MIL cared for her MIL for many years. But Mom was afraid of death, apparently, afraid of dying. When it came to the end for her MIL, my MIL wasn't there, in the room. But my DH's aunt was there. And she swears that the last words out of the mouth of her mother were: "Tell Virginia it's beautiful here. The harps are playing and the angels are singing."

Enough said.

Took Mom up to see the house. When you drive down the street and come around the bend, where you can see the neighbor's house - all of a sudden, our house is towering over hers! It's even higher than the other neighbor's house! I'll have to take a picture of it from this angle when I get my camera back from Best Buy...

Talked with G today - she didn't get the Special Ed job she applied for but she seems to be okay with it. M is apparently really p-o'd about it but G says it might be a blessing in disguise. The program is so messed up that 8-4/12 months a year might easily be 6-8/15 months a year! G is a workaholic, and this might kill her! M told DH that it's probably better for G to stay in the school system where she is 'cause she can retire in a couple of years; with this new job she'd probably work it for longer. The money was great, much better than what she's making now, but with $$ comes work...

We're going to try to get together for dinner next Monday or Tuesday. She apologized profusely for not calling and keeping in touch (her mom was in the hospital for a while; she's out and better now), but really wants to go out soon...

My french doors are installed! DH came home last night (to see me!) and said that he can't wait for me to get there today and see what he did... Pictures to come next week! He says it looks great!

And all the window grids are in in our new living room, and the new window with the missing balance - fixed! (It's so nice to be married to a handy man!!)

The humidity here in NJ is getting unbearable. The few days in the year when we suffer this way really get to me. Thank goodness (drumroll, please!) I'll have central air in the lake house by the time I begin to suffer from menopause and hot flashes! I don't think I could tolerate it any other way! Of course, if I'm still working when I start suffering that way, I might have to relocate and commute from the lake house...

I got a call from my dr the other day - my fibroid tumors appear to be the same. One view showed a slight increase (less than a quarter of an inch) but he seemed to feel it might be the view only, not an actual size change. I'm still totally symptom-free, so we're not going to do anything about them. I asked about the pill; yes, I'm staying on it for a while longer. He said I would see a difference in my period if I started menopause, even though I am on the pill, so unless I want to practice safe sex some other way, I should stay on it for now. I'll continue to check in with him every six months.

I'm training up to the lake today. It's 1-1/2 hours, one way. Once in a while, it's not bad. I get a bit of reading done (I tried some writing but that's not happening - a laptop would work; the train wouldn't affect my typing like it affects my handwriting...) and of course, some people-watching...

Sometimes I hear stories about other people's families, and I'm so grateful for my own. Even with all our foibles and quirks and pesky pet peeves - we are so very normal! I have a friend whose family is, well, to put it nicely, nuts. And they make her so darn miserable that it's even hard, sometimes, to hear her tell her stories! I know, I know, I'm only hearing her side of the story - and I tell her that - but even when I try to look at it from "their" side - no way. They're nuts. For instance... she just called me, en route to work. She was in the shower this morning, washing her hair, sort of prepared for her dad to yell at her to get out of the shower, that she's taking too long, like he's done in the past for no good reason.

He did. Yell at her to get out of the shower. "RIGHT NOW! WHERE ARE YOU? WHY AREN'T YOU OUT HERE YET? I NEED YOU OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

When she got out of the shower (after shouting back that she just had to rinse the conditioner out of her hair - how long could that take? 30, 40 seconds? Her hair is barely shoulder length and it's very thin, from medication she's taking), she pulled a towel around herself and opened the door to see what was so urgent.

"WHAT ARE YOU IN A TOWEL FOR? WHAT DO I NEED YOU IN TOWEL FOR? I CALLED YOU BECAUSE I NEEDED YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU IN A TOWEL!"

Now, I'm no psychiatrist/psychologist - he's certifiable. He's also 70. I wonder if he's having moments of senility or dementia. Or if he's just nuts. Yeah, he's just nuts.

P.S. My friend went back into her room to dress and by the time she came downstairs, fifteen minutes later, he was in the car, leaving for Home Depot, never having spoken with her again.