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Friday, February 25, 2011

I feel helpless...

A dear friend of mine, who I met through J, is having a very tough time right now. 

For as long as I've known G, her mom's had a heart condition.  She's 85 years old (her mom is), and it's really quite simple:  it's just not as easy to recover from an attack as it was 10 years ago, or even last year.  She gets bad more quickly, it seems, and it takes longer for her to recover, and she never quite gets back to where she was post-last-episode.

G is having a real hard time dealing with the fact that her mom is, well, she's dying.  There's no other way to put it.  This morning I called and left a message at G's house, just to say hi, we're thinking about you, we're going to be around this weekend, if you can spare an hour...

She called me this afternoon.  She cried.  G is such a strong woman.  To hear her cry and say that she doesn't think her mom will make 2 more weeks - well, it broke my heart.

We forget that strong people hurt, too, and for some reason, when we realize it, it seems bigger and worse than for other people, or at other times, or under other circumstances.  She's so worried that there's so much to do:
  1. decide hospice vs. no hospice
  2. pick out a dress for her mom to wear
  3. sign her mom's new lease vs. not signing
  4. if she doesn't sign, she has to empty the apt immediately
  5. if she does sign, and her mom dies soon, she has to empty the apt immediately
  6. what if there is money in envelopes hidden around the house? she can't leave others to clean the apt
  7. her brother doesn't get it - he doesn't realize his mom is dying
  8. G's husband ate a PB&J sandwich for dinner the other night (the end of the world, according to G - I was quick to point out that M is an adult and if that's what he made for himself, that's what was okay with him)
  9. etc.
  10. etc.
  11. etc.
She's overwhelmed with thoughts of what she needs to do, what she should do, what she doesn't have time to do, what she can't do.  She's angry because her brother won't take vacation time he doesn't have (he just started a new job a month or so ago) to spend time with their mom now, before she's gone.

Her mom's wishes are to be revived no matter what.  Although, she said, if she's on a respirator and there's no hope, then let her go... 

But G is worried about THAT, too - "if she's on a respirator, I could never pull the plug."

I let her talk.  I let her cry.  I sympathize.  I cry, too.  I tell her how much I wish I could help her.  I tell her to call a mover NOW, move her mom's stuff into her parlor.  Fill the damn room with all her mom's stuff and get rid of what she doesn't want NOW.  If you know you want the new recliner, put it where you want it in your house.  If you know you don't want the rickety old dinette set that you've been trying to replace in her apt for the past 5 years, toss it.  Go through her things later, when you have time.

IF you're positive she's never going to come home.  Because I know her mom.  If she rallies, and if she can come home again, and she finds out G gave up her apt, OOOOOHHHHH, G is in trouble!!!! 

And you have no idea how much I HOPE G gets into trouble with her mom again soon!!!

1 comment:

Miss Hope said...

My heart goes out to your friend. I can't even begin to imagine what she's feeling and going through, but I totally agree with you on taking care of her Mom's stuff like you suggested. Will keep her in my prayers!