Bar Mitzvah #3

DISCLAIMER:  ANY and ALL misinterpretations of the Jewish faith are mine and mine alone, and not presented here with any intended disrespect.  This is only my observation of the neighborhood in which we live and the customs and traditions of the Ortodox.


Our neighbors have 5 boys.  Their middle boy, E, was bar mitzvah'd yesterday.  We are very close with the family (they are absolutely wonderful!) and they kindly include us for all the celebrations.

We went to the school for 8:45am, stayed for the ceremony.  Then we had appetizers, then lunch, and finally left for home at 3pm.

At 6pm we went next door to have dinner.  We stayed until 8-ish.  At 9pm we went back to the school for E's dance!  He wanted to celebrate with a dance for all his friends!

I admire them for how they live their lives based on their faith.  They have a lot of rules.  I will admit that several times yesterday, I thought, "I'm glad I'm Catholic."  They are very superficial reasons, and please know that I mean absolutely no disrespect.

But men and women can't dance together.  The women, after an hour-and-a-half of watching the men and boys dance their hearts out, dragged the potted trees into the corner to separate themselves from the men and danced with each other in a little 10'x5' space.

          I like dancing with my husband.  Even though I don't like dancing.

We spent 3 hours sitting on two different sides of a wall in the same room.  Men and women can't sit together at shul, or apparently, at their son's bar mitzvah.  For the first two that we attended, there were only temporary screen dividers that one rabbi actually moved away after one of the bar mitzvahs so that the women would be included in the end of the service.  At the other, S was at least able to peek around the corner to see her son become a young man.

          I like going to church with my husband and holding his hand when we say the Our Father.

What I DO love about living here is the strong sense of community and neighborhood.  The kids are outside playing with each other.  The moms are outside talking with each other (and with me!).  We know each other and recognize each other and care about each other.  We used to have more of that in the neighborhood where I grew up, but in recent years, as the "old folk" moved out, there's less of that.  My mom doesn't "know" her neighbors like she used to "know" her neighbors.  [I will admit that she does speak to them when she sees them and perhaps this is more my impression since I don't live there anymore and I don't know the neighbors anymore!  As a matter of fact, I'll talk to my mom about this later this week.  I DO know she doesn't have her best friends around anymore; J died several years ago and E moved away many, many years ago.  I know that makes it more lonely there for my mom but she manages!]

Here are some photos from the party yesterday...

This is their school.  They just completed it a few years ago, perhaps 2006?

This is the room the women sat in for the ceremony.  To our left were some permanent screens that prevented S from seeing E.  Apparently peeking is, if not permitted, understood, so they were quite upset that these new screens were installed!

The boys danced for 1-1/2 hours straight!!!

They dragged J in just long enough for me to get a photo of him with the neighbors and E!!!

I must admit it was incredible to see an entire room full of teenage boys dancing the Electric Slide!!!

If they can do it...  I might just give it a try next time!!!

Daddy & the Neighbors

My dad died 22 years ago today. I think of him in some capacity every.single.day. I miss him with all my heart. Please skip over this part while I just tell him a few things...

Daddy, I miss you. And I love you. And I so wish you were here to torture my husband whenever he does a home repair job 'cause I just know you'd know how to do it better! And whenever Jack or his sister say that Mommy is the only parent we have left - well, it makes my heart hurt. I really wish you were still around to be a father-in-law. Jack always smiles when he talks about you. He says he really liked you, that you were a nice guy, and a smart guy. He never minded talking to you at the garage when you came in 'cause you were "one of the good ones." (Some of the other customers, not so much!) Me? I think of you every time C says either J or A did something wrong; I know in my heart of hearts that lots of what's gone on these past 19 years would never have happened if you were around - and they just have no idea what they're missing by not having had a chance to have you in their lives. I think of you every time the dishes settle on the sink when they're drying. I think of you when the lights flicker. I think of you whenever I see a wysteria bush. Of course, I think of you every time I go to Mommy's house. Daddy, you were, and are, the BEST. And I miss you so very much. Come and visit me, please? I want to see you in my dreams, I want to hear your voice, I want to feel you hug me again. It can't happen in real life, but in my dreams I know it's possible. I never dream of you (only maybe 3 times since you died). I know Mr. S. comes and visits Toni-Ann quite often - why can't you come and visit me??? I miss you. I love you.

Okay, on to everyday "stuff."

I think it's time I share some neighbor tales... You've met some of my neighbors in previous posts, but there are some tales I can share here that you haven't heard before...

So, when I lived at my mom's house, when I was (much) younger, what I loved the most was the fact that it was a neighborhood. We knew all the families; they knew us. I played with the girl down the street (learned how to ride a bike on her purple Schwinn with the banana seat! My family couldn't afford bicycles for us). I went to school with the boy up the street and for many years, he was one of my closest friends. I learned how to be friends with a boy from Gary; wish we were still in touch. My mom's bestest friend in the whole world lived right across the street from us - she died several years ago and we miss her so much! (Hi, Jackie! I know you're listening!)

But as the years passed, so did the people. Some died. Many moved. And we got some new neighbors. And as much as we loved Jackie and Ronnie, and Frank and Elaine, the new ones? Not so much. People don't really know how to be neighbors anymore, at least not in my mom's neighborhood. Case in point: G next door. He's bipolar or manic-depressive, one or the other. When he's on his meds, he's perfectly polite and friendly. When he's not? LOOK OUT! For instance, on meds: he offered to donate blood for my dad when he was in the hospital. Off meds: Jack threatened to beat him up for being mean to me. No joke! I've only ever seen my husband "in someone's face" twice in 19 years - once here when G was being abusive and obnoxious to me, calling me names, etc., and once when some kids at Action Park were trying to push their way ahead of everyone else on line for the ride. You know, you don't mind one or two joining their "family" up ahead, but when 12 or 13 kids try the same thing, and they're all in the same group, well, you don't mind it!

My mom's been a widow for 22 years. Do you think just once any of her neighbors have taken out her garbage or mowed her lawn or shoveled her snow? I must admit that over the past couple of years, once in a while, not at every snow, someone's shoveled a single shovel's width path on her sidewalk... Thanks, whoever you are! They're under no obligation to do any of it, but give her a chance to say, "No thanks, my daughter/son-in-law/grandson will do it. But that was so nice of you to offer."

In my neighborhood we're really neighbors. We make food for each other (well, they make food for me since my kitchen isn't kosher!), we drive each other to hospitals, we babysit for each other (well, I babysit for them since I don't have a baby to sit!), we sit on the front stoop and chat for hours, we watch the kids play, we shovel each other's snow (well, Jack shovels their snow!) - it's just like it used to be when I was young. I'm SO glad I live where I do.

Next door to me: S & D, and their 5 boys. Across the street, S & E, and their 4 girls. Up the street, S & T and her 2 girls and his 2 boys. Across the street and over one, A & S, who wrote us the nicest note when we got married (I want to be them when we grow up!). Down the street, T, who's been friends with Jack for many years. And C & A, and their 5 kids. I LOVE LIVING HERE!

Okay, before I get in trouble for writing and not working, I'm going to sign off here and continue my ranting and raving another day...

I missed my neighbor's birthday. I'm such a bad person!

Sue, I'm so sorry! You never forget mine. I forgot yours. I will shop this weekend and make it up to you. I promise.

My neighbors came to visit us at the lake yesterday, all five boys and their parents. We had SUCH a great time! S brough bagels and tuna fish and egg salad and cream cheese and marble cake and chocolate chip cookies. (They keep kosher so I couldn't feed them all that easily.) I had drinks and snacks for them. Poor A got a little carsick on the way up, so he ate a bit, then went to lay down for 10 minutes or so. J took the 4 boys to the Sanctuary and showed them the beaver dam, and they met Marley (our neighborhood dog). It was raining, that's the only bad part of the day. J really wanted to take them out on the rowboat and show them around a little bit. Maybe next time!

I have a great picture of the five boys but I won't post it 'cause I don't have permission from their mom. But trust me when I say you've NEVER seen cheeks like the baby has - he even beats my niece who had chipmunk cheeks when she was born! We called her Dizzy, after Mr. Gilespie! G has her beat BIG time!!!

On the way home (we all left at the same time), the boys called us on my cell to shout, "Thanks, J and Krys, for letting us visit you at the lake!" Let me tell you, 5 boys! 5 boys so well brought up that they were less trouble than either my nephew or my niece, and certainly less trouble than the two of them together!!! These boys are so well brought up - my neighbors should be proud of themselves!!!

I'm stressed with the reorg we just went through here at work: I have double the territory, and I have to cover it in the same amount of hours for the same salary. Now of course, once the targets are set, if I make my numbers, my incentive payment goes up accordingly. But the work!!! OMG!!! I have two cold sores that have broken out on my lower lip; yes, a pretty picture! Today I emailed my friend CT, and he wrote me such a nice note of encouragement:

"Deep breath.
Now, remember that whatever you do will be an improvement over your predecessor. Also, remember that the sun will come up tomorrow, no matter what you do. And finally, at the end of the day, you can go home and shut the door on the trials and tribulations of your job. Might not be easy, but it can be done.
Love,
C
P.S. – Not sure if this is appropriate, but I just re-read Illusions (http://www.barefootworlds.net/illusions.html) and it always improves my outlook on life.

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."

Illusions is one of several books by Richard Bach that I've read and reread over the years. I collect quotes and Bach's books are chock-full of them! I've sent so many of them to C over the years, when we were single and writing letters to each other (back in the days before email!). It means a lot that he chose that book for me today! And I think I'll go home and pull it off the bookshelf, drop it in my bag, and when I finish the one I'm reading, I'll reread Illusions again. I'm sure there'll be a quote for me to send C when I'm done!

My mom is joining the ranks of the technologically advanced: she's switching to Dish TV, and she's going to have to learn that remote control all by herself. No emergency calls to me to come and fix what she broke. And she wants to buy a DVD recorder. I am a simple Cablevision customer, soon to switch to the Optimum Triple Play, I think... I have to have computer access at home, and cable is taking away channels and adding charges each month. (Sound familiar?!?) It's time to upgrade!

Well, I'm about to leave and walk cross-town to J's school, so we can leave on time. He wants to mow Mom's lawn (at least the front lawn) before we go to his sister's to celebrate her b'day. It's supposed to rain for the next three days or so, not pouring down storms, but showers on and off 'til Wednesday or Thursday (unless they've changed the forecast since this morning!). (An aside: I hate rain.)

Toodles!

It's been a while, yes, but here are a few gems...

This little princess Jasmine is Jack's cousin's daughter Kitty. Kitty joined our family a couple of years ago. We fell in love with a beautiful little girl who was so quiet and introverted, then our family turned her into, well, a princess!!!













These are my boys! My neighbor just had her 5th. For a short while we thought Gedalia would be a girl. S was carrying so much smaller than her other 4 boys. But no, another handsome boy!










Although this young man, Coby, holding his brother, he has my heart, and always will. He's the one I held as a baby. He's the one who couldn't pronounce my name, Krys, and called me "Bix." He's the one I had to rush to the hospital when he couldn't breathe (he's okay, thank goodness!). He's my guy!














And here's his new baby brother, Gedalia. You can call him Gedalia. You can call him Gadi. You can call him Mo. (Don't ask.) Isn't he a cutie?!?

IT'S ANOTHER BOY!!!

My neighbor Sue just gave birth to her 5th son!!! Yes, 5 sons. This one, born Saturday morning, at 3:30am, was 8 pounds, 3 ounces. He was so small, compared to his brothers, that we were all thinking this one might be a girl... Nope, another boy! Yay for Sue and her family!

Jack and I were packing to go to the lake when A came over and said, "Mom needs you." I grabbed my jacket and went next door. She didn't know if she was in labor yet. Her water hadn't broken, but she was feeling mild contractions, between 5 and 20 minutes apart. I started to laugh, and am still laughing - she had 4 boys before that and she didn't know if she was in labor?!?! Ultimately she decided to go to the hospital, and six hours and a little bit later, Baby Boy #5 was born!

They're Orthodox so the baby won't be named 'til next week. Will update you with names and baby pictures later...

There's a cricket in my living room...

According to DH. It began chirping at around 2:35am this morning, and he's been up ever since. It did quiet down a bit when he went and got the bug zapper noisemaker thingee from the bedroom, but for the most part, he's been up since the cricket found its way into the house.

It must be gone by Friday.

They are the most disgusting looking creatures - although roaches skeeve me out completely, they're not as gross to look at as crickets. I shudder at the thought.

There was one in our bathroom linen closet last spring. I opened the door and there he was, on the floor, just looking at me!

I screamed, jumped back, and yelled for DH to kill it.

I can kill bees, mosquitoes, ants, spiders, roaches, flied, beetles, all sorts of other insects (NOT praying mantises, though, or grasshoppers) - but I CANNOT KILL A CRICKET. I can't go near a cricket. I skeeve crickets.

UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

And now onto a much more pleasant topic...

We went to our neighbor's Bar Mitzvah this past Saturday. We were there from 8:30am to 4:00pm. We sat through all the prayers and speeches, attended the buffet and the luncheon, and had a blast! We met so many nice people from S's family.

Apparently we're famous, too! Everyone has heard of K & J, and D and S both mentioned us in their speech about their son! What a lovely group of people!!! And poor C - he just couldn't figure out why DH was wearing a yamulka. We tried to explain it was out of respect for A's Bar Mitzvah and that we were in temple... He just didn't get it.

We were the only non-Jewish people there. It made us both feel very loved and very special.

Mazel Tov, A!!!