Yea, the title of this post gives away the punchline...
O.M.G. I ain't never birthed no babies, so I can't compare, but oh.my.God. The pain! The God-awful pain!
I have no history of anything like this. My mom had kidney stones years ago, and I found out (yesterday, in the ER) that they're hereditary and it's likely I'll have a recurrence. NO.EFFIN'.THANK.YOU.
We were up at the lake; it was garage sale weekend and we only had Saturday since we had a Cousin's Club picnic on Sunday. We got up and into the car by 8:30, stopped at a few sales and hubby bought a few things: a gasoline-powered pressure washer and a brand new shop vac for $30. I bought 4 jigsaw puzzles for my mom.
We stopped at Dunkin' Donuts to get an iced tea each, and a bagel for me. A whole OTHER story in itself, a story for another time... We got into the car and drove to the next sale. I took a sip or two of tea, then a bite of the bagel. Literally ONE bite.
After that I stayed in the car while hubby got out to check out a sale and all of a sudden I had THE.WORST.PAIN.IN.MY.SIDE.IMAGINABLE. It was 1000x worse that my WORST gas pain, and I've been in a lot of pain from gas...
I was panting. I was sitting, standing, bending, stretching, laying down - NOTHING would ease the pain. It was so bad I told him to take me to the hospital right away - this was NOT normal. It was nothing I had ever felt before. We went back to the lake house - it was only 5 miles away - and picked up all our stuff; by now the pain had eased a bit. I told him to take me to the nearest hospital, St. Claire's in Dover, but I also said if I didn't have another episode to go to our hospital, Mountainside in Glen Ridge.
I had another bad one on the way. I can't describe to you how bad it was. My mother said it was worse than childbirth. While I can't confirm that, I can tell you it hurt like holy hell!!
[Edited 10/31/14: I had him take me to Mountainside Hospital, close to our home, when the pain decreased. I was worried if they admitted me, he'd be at the lake without food...}
They took me right into ER Room #1, started an IV line of fluids, and gave me an IV dose of painkiller and anti-nausea medicine. The painkiller was incredible. From the second they inserted it into the IV line, my body felt as if it weighed 800 pounds and was sinking into the gurney. Hubby said I was as high as a kite. Everyone sounded small. Small and far, far away. Immediately there was no pain.
I asked, but they don't provide doggy bags of this painkiller. Rats...
I had one more episode in the hospital so they gave me another dose of that good stuff. But then they discharged me.
He didn't want me to walk all the way to the parking lot; I couldn't have anyway. I was LOOPY! He sat me down in a chair by the door. I told him to beep when he got there, if my eyes were closed.
I saw the car pull up so I started to stand. Slowly and very carefully I started to stand. He hopped out and ran around to get me. As he took my arm, he muttered, "$hit. I didn't." He tried to open the car door, and it was locked.
The automatic door locks on our Subaru are "UP" for lock and "DOWN" for unlock. He mistakenly hit the lock button. I just stood there, swaying a bit, saying helpful things like, "You didn't." "I'm dizzy." I went in and asked for a hanger but apparently hospitals don't have things like hangars available. In the meantime he tried his best to pop the window, and use the windshield wipers taped together to reach the DOWN button. I came out in the meantime and there were two police cars there. They refused to help - "We don't do that anymore. They're calling the Fire Department to help you."
I went back inside and the 21-year-old heavily made-up receptionist used really big words to ask me how I was going to "rectify the situation." I asked HER for a hangar. She asked ME if we were going to drive home to get another set of keys.
Even in my drug-induced stupor I knew that wouldn't work. Our keys were locked IN THE CAR, YOU DIMWIT.
Then he came running in to get me - the wipers worked! I sank down into the car and we came home.
I slept for a couple of hours, then was up for a while, then took a Percocet and went to sleep. Overnight I passed part of the stone and the rest of it this morning. I vomited a little bit, but not too much - I think it was the jalapeños on the bagel...
I feel a thousand times better today - thank goodness.
More stories for you later this week....