I can't see.

I used to be able to see.

In fact, considering I've worn glasses since I was in, like, second grade, I've always had my vision corrected to 20/20 and have never suffered from the "I can't see the board" syndrome, at least not in my memory. (I suppose I suffered from it before I got my glasses but I don't remember that time of my life...)

When I married my husband, I got not only the best guy in the world, I got vision insurance for the first time in my life! Too borrow a phrase from Washington Mutual: "Woo Hoo!" Imagine: new glasses every other year, and new lenses each year in between. Almost as good as s-x! (Okay, forget that, it's not as good as that, but it does rank right up there!)

When I turned 40, I went in for my annual eye exam and they asked me, "So, how old are you?" Since age isn't really that much of an issue for me, I said, "40," fully expecting them to say something like, "Wow, I'd have thought you were in your 20's!"

Instead they said, "Oh, then you'll need reading glasses."

Huh?

"NO EFFIN' WAY" was my response.

And I was right. After testing me, I didn't need reading glasses. But I was their favorite patient that day and at the end of my exam, when they put me in the same room as my husband (since we both had the last name), he was amused to hear the doctor come in and ask which of us was the one who doesn't need reading glasses? Apparently I had been a little forceful in my denial...

There were subsequent annual exams, one each in 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 -

DANG IT! All of a sudden I need reading glasses! I can't read, I can't see my computer screen - this growing old SUCKS. My eyes go all wonky when I try to focus without my "cheaters" (a word I learned from my cousins on my dad's side when they were here at the beginning of the month).

I've graduated from 1.0 to 1.25 to 1.50. In fact, according to my doctor at my last appointment in February, I should be wearing a 1.50 to read, and a 1.25 to see my computer screen.

I wish they made a 1.35 - the 1.25 is terrific for the computer, but the 1.50 gives me a bit of a headache, and when I try the 1/25s for reading, they're just not strong enough.

I wish I could see. (I'm never taking my nephew to the eye doctor - he has better than 20/20 vision. I believe the last time I took him there he tested at 20/15...)

Hubby and I went out to dinner the other day and I forgot my reading glasses. He had to read the menu to me. If I was remotely unstable, that would have been enough to tip me over the edge!!! I have since bought another pair of reading glasses that will remain forevermore in my purse (until they have to be replaced with stronger ones). There's also a pair in one bathroom, and I'm planning to get another couple of pairs at the dollar store, one for each of the other two bathrooms. (I get a lot of my reading done in there!)

I think menopause will be easier to deal with than this.

BTW, I went for a complete physical last night - apparently I will live until I die. My heart is good, my blood pressure is good, my cholesterol is a bit high but the ratio of good to bad is high enough to compensate, my triglycerides are fine, my kidneys and my liver are okay, the cyst in my arm is innocent and apparently very common, I have some bone growths in one shoulder (and in one knee) that might be the start of some arthritis but they're having no noticeable effect on me right now. Aside from increasing my exercise and decreasing my fat/cheese/beef intake, I'm just fine. And I already warned the doctor, giving up cheese is not an option.